Barbeque Nation, an office team party is in progress with a female manager at the table
The waiter walks up to the noisy table to take the order for drinks. Suddenly, one associate slyly says to the manager (whom they’re petrified of from 9 to 6) “Have just one ok Ma’am.” All the male members of the team nudge each other and suppress grins at this insinuation. She silently marks his name for the year-end appraisal and asks for a glass of red wine. The waiter apologetically informs “Ma’am, sorry but that is alcohol”. Face-palming herself, she mutters “Really, I thought it was orange juice”. Outward, with a forced smile she hisses “Great, get it now!”
This is just a sample of the reactions that our still patriarchal society bestows on women who dare commit the “Ohhhh!” offence of asking for a drink. Society is changing and we are surrounded by a lot of people who see this as normal. But then there are the sanctimonious ones dressed in suits or in ripped faded jeans, in bars or at office parties with their shocked drawn-in breath, eyebrows raised and eyes popping out.
Take this other example:
A team enjoying their drinks at an onsite customer party. Referring to an associate from another company, the manager says “Yaar, banda knows how to network. Did you see how he could down glasses with the customer and stay steady?” A lot of head-nodding and “Ha, yaar, solid” follows. Another team member asks “Why aren’t we able to get Vendor X out of the way? It’s just 2 members”. The manager shakes his head “Not easy” and adds with a knowing look “It’s two girls. And what girls. You won’t believe it, but at the last party, the girl got up and called for SHOTS for everyone. That’s a different kind of control they hold” he added and the table giggled sheepishly.
Conclusion – Alcohol and Morality are strongly interrelated. Did you not hear of all the scientific evidence backing it? Well, it was published in this fantastic article in all the popular bull-headed magazines in font size 28.
One time, this girl was dining at an upscale Italian restaurant in India. As she sipped the Caprioska she had ordered, she mused. The lemon was perfect, ice perfect, sugar great. One question – Where was the vodka? Was she paying Rs. 500 for a chilled lemonade? Irate, she complained to the manager. His explanation “Ma’am, we add a small measure of vodka.” With a significant look, he added “Usually, that is enough.”
Did we mention the other point published in the fantastic, fictitious article?
Women cannot handle alcohol. So the best strategy is to just hold the mixers in front of the cocktail for a few minutes. The alcohol that they absorb from proximity should just be enough to give them a buzz. Just like ‘Birbal’s Khichdi’. Go, have fun!
But let’s give it to this restaurant. It at least gave the girl a drinks menu. In a few restaurants, the bar menu comes with an invisible “men only” tag. If the lady asks it, masking disapproval, the waiter suggestively opens the mocktail menu and places it in front of you. The moral police just never stop. Great job guys!
Now, if you decide to get just get the hell out and make yourself a real drink, who’d blame you? But does that solve your problem? Ha, you’d think. An invisible male-only scanner stands at the doorstep of the neighbouring liquor store. When a female crosses the ‘laxman-rekha’, bells start ringing as everything pauses ‘movie-style’ to take in this phenomenon. Oh, the curiosity! Wish it killed dogs too.
Oh forget it, just ask your friend to get it or stock up at the duty-free if you are lucky enough to be on a trip abroad. Kick off your shoes, pour a generous measure of tequila and drink it straight up with lime and salt. As the warmth spreads and takes the edge off, silently toast to a tomorrow where the “Would you like a drink ma’am?” would come minus the free dose of morality. To the future!
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