A pleasant morning is that where your head roars and pounds as soon as you open those pretty, puffy eyes. After all, that is the only way of knowing that the night was awesome. A night, as a matter of fact, which you barely remember. This is what makes all the copious amount of chugging worth it! Shots, beer pong, no mixers, mixing your drink with a different spirit instead and various other stuff that contribute to a great night. Pack it all together and you have yourself the textbook definition of what is called ‘Irresponsible Consumption of Alcohol’. What a bunch of losers, am I right?
So let’s take this business of reckless boozing a little bit further, and show the world why it is more than advisable to drink irresponsibly.
It’s like Frank Sinatra said, “Alcohol may be the enemy, but the Bible says Love Thy Enemy”
1. No Hangover = No Point.
Right on! Nothing wishes you a good morning like that flaming, acidic tummy. Some people feel like they might die, but you know what, they are just overreacting because nausea is the solution to the so-called “problems” that alcohol apparently causes, since it gets everything out of your system, duh! A horrible headache is a signature of a night of strong-willed boozing and unnecessary shots. This headache is painful, inglorious and crushes your entire will to live. You have to earn a headache like that one; a headache that speaks to you about the splendid party. So, drink away to glory, because that beautiful craving for bacon and the smugness accompanied by hunger is SOOO worth it.
2. Delivery of Courage
Have you ever dreaded asking that cute guy out? Or petrified of telling your ex-girlfriend just how much you miss her? Guess what! You’re just 9 shots of tequila away from making that move and sending out that elaborate, over-emotional text. It is even possible that you’ll go home with a stranger that night. You can show off those amazing dance moves and perform for the crowd! Any decision which seems impossible or impractical, chug a couple of bottles of beer and you will experience a wave of bold determination.
3. Sleep deprivation + Empty Stomach
The secret to having a great night that is full of a drunken extravaganza, is to maintain the necessary pre-conditions to the same. The best way to ensure that you’re hammered is to drink on an empty stomach. Do not have a good meal before you drink because that’s illogical, since the carbs would absorb the alcohol and thereby, restrict you from breaking your limits. Another way is to make sure you get as little sleep as possible before you go drinking. You would be better off hitting the bar rather than hitting the bed, if you’re sleepy. All the sleep deprivation will make the effects of alcohol more intense and effective. If you feel too sleepy, drinking an energy drink to keep you up might do the trick too. I mean caffeine and alcohol is only the best combination, am I right? *winks*
4. Emancipation from Restraint
On the subject of elaborate descriptions of emotions, we all need a channel to let ALLLL that emotional out of us, so we can focus on the important aspects of our lives– Like drinking more alcohol. Fortunately, the answer to this release and liberation is to knock back all the vodka you can. The results are quick too! Within minutes you’ll be declaring your love for every person present in the room, or be sharing with your mates how desperate you are to get laid and you only pretend to be alright or crying on the shoulder of an uncomfortable acquaintance and whine about EACH and EVERY problem you have ever faced in your life. And WHY NOT? All those confined emotions, that are begging to break free, will be let out.
5. Fast and Furious
The best thing about being black out drunk is that you feel ridiculously adventurous… You’re spontaneous and act without thinking. Thus, you get in your car and as the alcohol you quaffed assures you that you can drive, you speed away. The alcohol binge gives you the confidence you need I mean, wouldn’t you rather get arrested for drunk driving, than “be safe”?
Dodging every red light, dashing through the pavements, you drift through the city like Santa and his sleigh! The speed, the sound of the car racing through the streets, the blurry vision and disorientation… Ah! What a beautiful combination!
Obviously, you can drive. Obviously, you won’t run anybody over. Obviously.
6. Lethargy ft. Immobility
This beautiful sensation can only be encountered after a night of carousing. Limbs are static and the mind doesn’t work.
Remember that important presentation that is due tomorrow and you totally forgot? And that you had to drop your mom to her power yoga class in 3 hours? What about meeting your boss after lunch to discuss your promotion? Well, chuck it in the bucket because there is no way in hell you’re getting out of your bed. The bed is you; you are the bed; you and your bed are a single entity.
If you woke up feeling this way, then all your meetings and commitments can make a sad face; today you are nope-ing out of life. And you know what? You deserve it. You worked so hard all night boozing and dancing and singing and what not. So, treat yourself and sleep in. Sleep all day and forget about your life or your career or your relationships… who cares.
So, brush off anybody who asks you to do anything but drink your heart away. You do not need that kind of negativity around you. All you need is more alcohol! Cheers!